Dating transgender women can also have other challenges that cisgender women don’t deal with. Cisgender people are those who relate with their personal identity and their gender at the time of their birth. Discrimination, harassment and, in some cases, homicide are not uncommon for ladyboys. There are many harsh realities that transgender women run into when trying to find love. Those of you who are dating ladyboys need to keep a few things in mind:
There is no statement that is further from the truth. Trans women are not here to fool straight men in order to date and sleep with them. This is an incredibly high level of ignorance that has been portrayed in both films and on television. This is one of the many reasons why trans women are openly letting people know who they are on their various social media.
Another incredible myth, trans women are actually trans lesbians. Nothing could be further from the truth because they are not likely to change their sexual orientation after transitioning. Those who were attracted to women before transitioning will still be attracted to them afterward.
Statistics have shown that somewhere between 40 to 60% of trans women identify themselves as bisexual or lesbians. Therefore, whether it’s a male, a woman, or both, they will date whomever they please.
Dating someone who is transgender does not mean you are gay or that you are bisexual. The bottom line, if you are attracted to trans women, you are attracted to women and that’s all it means. There are many people who seem to think that gender and sexuality are one and the same because they don’t understand the difference. Simply put, gender is actually fluid while sex is biological and rigid. Your sexual orientation is formed by your attraction to a person’s gender identity. If you happen to be a cisgender, man or woman, who is attracted to someone who is transgender, it does not alter your sexual identity.
In an interview conducted by Alicia Menendez from Fusion, Janet Mock was asked questions that were completely inappropriate. She was asked if she even had a vagina, ever used tampons, or how she felt when her breasts were growing! If you find these questions insulting and alarming, trans women are asked questions like these on a daily basis. Before even asking someone a question like any of these, ask yourself if this should be correct conduct for a cisgender woman. If your answer is no, then these questions should not be placed before trans women either.
Sadly, trans women are at the highest risks of becoming victims of domestic abuse. Many trans women believe they have nowhere to go and these are the only men who would be attracted to them and love them. There are far too many trans women in abusive relationships at the hands of men. They are often mentally abused into believing they have no place to go, who would even want them or there many more fish in the sea. That is not to say that other women are not put through mental and physical abuse as well.
Being transgender does not mean you have to be miserable and lonely. On the contrary, trans women want to have as much fun as anyone else. They want to go to movies, a concert, go to the ballet, and even visit the zoo!
Let’s start with a short history lesson. Christine Jorgenson was a WWII veteran who shook up the world when she became the first trans woman to have genital reconstruction surgery. The preoccupation of what’s in a trans woman’s pants or the genital reconstruction surgery had become quite disturbing and surgery of this nature should remain very personal. Therefore, this is NOT a subject that you should bring up on your first date! There is a time and place for everything so know what is appropriate and what is not.
If you treat your date like your high school teacher, chances are she will dig through her purse to find her keys and call it a night. You should never expect your trans woman to be your professor on gender studies. After all, heavy discussions are not great topics when you should just be enjoying your date over a glass of wine. There are so many tools to gain knowledge, so use them. Read books or search Google for answers to your questions. Becoming educated is completely your responsibility, not your date’s.
This is no way to know and understand trans women. As a matter of fact, there is a great similarity between the lack of jobs and poverty among trans women. Approximately 57% of trans people face some form of discrimination in the workforce. Researchers have shown that trans women are the highest number of people who turn to the sex trade to find work. Trans women in adult sex films and in the sex trade market are still the top-selling avenue for men who are straight. According to P*rnhub, the “shemale” category ranks 22nd in searches. That said, the world of the adult sex film industry is not only false but unrealistic. You should know the difference between false and what is a fact for the sake of those who are trans people.
Remarks like “Wow! I never would have guessed you are a man, you look like a woman”! Well, that’s a compliment that is actually a double-edged sword and it’s really rude! This comment is saying that trans women are actually engaging in a form of fraud by passing themselves off as something they are not. In the book “Redefining Realness”, author Janet Mock said (and I am paraphrasing), she is a woman, has lived her life as a woman and that’s how she sees herself. She is not passing herself off as anything else except being herself.
Society has a habit of shaming men who are attracted to trans women by attacking their masculinity, calling them gay, or saying they have some sick fetish. Trans women are taught they only deserve companionship through some sort of secret society. If they are open about their relationships, it sends a message that society has some right to unveil their “true colors”.
As a screaming example, Tyga supposedly cheated on Kylie Jenner with a trans model Mia Isabella. The media went wild and Tyga’s sexual orientation was called into question. He was literally shamed by the entire hip-hop world.