Transgender woman reminisces about her realization she was a Ladyboy

I met my long-term partner Ron on IDateLadyboy. He’s everything I want in a man and, I believe, he truly loves me for what I am. My name is Pang, and I’m a Transgender woman, more commonly known as a Ladyboy in my home country, Thailand. I’m post-op so am a “complete woman” with all working parts!

Ron is a journalist mainly covering finance and economics, but he also writes advocacy pieces about LGBT rights issues in Asia. He says this is his “pet project” and was so even before we met.

Being a journalist, he likes to ask questions so as he can understand the subject he is writing about. And, as I am part of the LGBT community, he likes to ask me questions about being Trans. He is especially curious about how T-girls know they are a T-girl and not gay, for example, and at what age the realization hits. Also, about how Transgender woman plan for their futures and make decisions about taking hormones or having surgery etc.

Transgender women develop at a different pace

The last time he asked me such questions, I told him this true story about my realization that I was a Ladyboy:

I’d got to know some other Ladyboys at a temple fair. Their names were Nid, Lek and Nat. Although I’d never openly admitted it, they knew I was a “fledgling” Ladyboy. One day they invited me to Nid’s house when her parents were away.

We’d only been in Nid’s house for a few minutes when Nat looked across at me. Lek was lying on the sofa, already reading a history book. “Come on,” said Nat softly, indicating with the motion of her head for me to follow her. She pointed towards the door of the room to make sure I understood better.

I frowned at first. “Hmm.. oh, okay… I see…”

Nid was already in the upstairs bedroom, rummaging around in the back of a wardrobe. Various items of clothing were strewn by the wardrobe’s door. She turned to glance at Nat and me then turned back to her task. “Must be here somewhere.”

“Take your clothes off.”

“What?” I shook my head slightly from right to left, puzzled. “Huh?” Then, a moment later, “Oh, sorry…, I’m not thinking straight. I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. “Sorry, I’m just so nervous.”

“Don’t be, it’ll be fine,” said Nat. “Everyone has a first time.”

I quivered from top to bottom as Nid fastened the bra strap around my back, then adjusted the garment so that the cups were aligned nicely with my nipples.

Find your date or true love on iDate Ladyboy – The not so ordinary dating site

Coming to terms with being Trans

“These will have to do for now,” she smiled, as she passed me some rolled-up socks. “Push them into your bra. Then, go behind the screen and take off your underpants and put these white panties on.”

“Which dress is she going to wear?” asked Nid, using the female pronoun for me. “The flowery yellow one or this lovely red one?”

Duly attired in the yellow dress, a few minutes later I sat in front of the mirror whilst Nat played with my hair—brushing and styling it into a more feminine manner. This is the real me, this is the real me, I thought, the exhilaration of the moment almost overwhelming me.

Nid, just like an artist does, was creating her own magic on the canvas of my face. Dab of blusher here, touch of mascara there; lipstick, eye-shadow and eyebrow liner. Then the adornments: earrings, bracelets, rings.

I could barely look in the mirror as I saw a new person blossom in front of me. The boy was gone; well gone. A seriously attractive young woman was in his place. No longer the shy young man, just a pretty, pretty girl.

The three girls were so engrossed in their activities that they didn’t hear Lek come into the room, until she cried, “Are you almost finished…? Let me see the new beauty queen!”

Nid turned around and smiled at Lek. “Just about done. And I think you’re right, she is a beauty!”

A Ladyboy finds her true self

I took one last look in the mirror and stood up. I turned around and my dress twirled around me. I gasped in ecstasy. The wonder of seeing myself in all my glory for the first time made me feel weak. The frustration of some 13 years of being treated as a male welled up inside me; almost causing me to stumble as I took her first steps on the high heels I was wearing.

“Suai maak,” (very beautiful) said Nat, looking at me. “Really.”

I stared at the floor for a fleeting moment, trying to hold back my emotions. “I am a Ladyboy; I am really a Transgender woman,” I said. “And from this day onwards I don’t care who knows it.” And then I started to cry…

Ron came into the room and, as usual, put his hand under my chin and lifted my face so he could kiss me. “Oh…, what’s up, Pang, you’ve got tears in your eyes?”

I put my arms around Ron and asked him to hold me tight. “Just thinking of how I started my Ladyboy journey,” I replied. “It still makes me emotional! Hmm…, it was long journey from that time until I joined IDateLadyboy and met you.” I smiled. “Maybe I’ll tell you more about it one day!”